i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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