I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
