Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
