this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
