10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize