I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
