I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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