plz talk dirty to me
you would pick up someone in the library
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
