so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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