Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
