I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
