So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im holly from the hills drunk
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
