dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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