Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
