she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
