if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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