Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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