The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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