Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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