hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
