Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
