24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
