So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
