isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
