i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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