I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
