Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize