You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we're making bets on your personal life
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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