i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
