yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
