Yo dont text me then not text me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
