Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
50% drunk capacity currently
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
