epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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