After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize