you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
