TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
