I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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