well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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