It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
