I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
whose parrot is this?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
