i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
