after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
