Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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