I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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