whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
