Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
