She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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