Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize