I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
