why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
