I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
