so that wasnt chicken after all
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
