I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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