do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
