Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize