Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
