when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
