I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
