Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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