covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
