please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
