who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
