Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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