in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
