Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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