He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
