You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
