i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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