i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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