dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Vodka?
Forever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
