Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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