I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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