I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize