Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
