i just had sex bonerless
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
