Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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