Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He? As in you personified your dick?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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