real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
