im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
