y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
