Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
