Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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