I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
