I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
