i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
