they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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