your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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