it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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