recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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