a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
