he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
